I Put Off Doing This Post But Here It Is
4 months ago
A review of relevant research into everything ADHD. Hopefully you'll find it enlightening and we can start to change the negative perspective of ADHD!
ARTICLE WHY SCHOOL IS HARD FOR KIDS WITH ADHD—AND HOW YOU CAN HELP by Anna Stewart, Family Advocate “Can we talk about Daniel,” you say to your child’s teacher, a knot of fear in your belly. “He’s starting to say that he hates school and it’s stupid.” “I wanted to talk to you, too,” the teacher says. “Daniels’ behavior in class and on the playground is very concerning.” Now that knot is in your throat as you think, “What did he do now?” The big fears run through your mind: “Will he stay in school?” “Will school let him stay?” “If he can’t turn in his homework now, in 3rd grade, how will he ever keep a job?” “If he keeps getting sent to the principal’s office, how will he learn to read and write?” When a child is struggling at school, it hurts. When it’s a child with ADD or ADHD, the pain can create lifelong wounds. Daniel has ADHD and he is not alone. Researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that between 2007 and 2009, an average of nine percent of children between the ages of five and seventeen were diagnosed with the disorder. Think about how that number impacts schools. Nearly one in ten kids has ADHD, which means practically every classroom in America will haveone to three kids with the disorder in them. That’s a lot of impulsivity, distractibility, hyperactivity and organizational/planning issues in one room. It’s also a lot of potential for behavioral challenges, conflicts and concerns, creating a perfect storm of issues for kids with ADHD and ADD—and the teachers responsible for educating them. If your child or teen has a diagnosis of ADHD and/or a learning disability, then you already know that school –with all the expectations to follow the rules and perform—is difficult for unique thinkers, and it gets more challenging each year. While each child is unique and should have an individualized approach to treatment and management of their ADHD, there are some universal elements that make school hard to navigate. Getting teachers to agree to changing their classroom or teaching style is often challenging. As a public school based advocate for kids with behavioral and learning disabilities I know how hard ADHD issues can be for kids, families and teachers. I’m going to tell you a little bit about what it’s like for ADHD kids at school, what to do when your child zones out or panics, and also give you real strategies and tips for helping them find greater success at school. 時計コピー What It’s Like to Live without a Filter The ability to filter out sensory input is both innate and learned. Children with ADHD haven’t learned how to be selective about what comes in so it all comes in—the hum of the overhead lights, the birds outside, the truck driving by, their classmate kicking their chair, the teacher talking, the scent of uneaten lunches in the cubbies and the reflection of the light on the aquarium. And most if it goes right out because it does not get put into your ADHD child’s long-term memory. Your child really doesn’t know what the teacher just told them to do. They want to know, they tried to know but it didn’t stick. The brain can only take in about 2,000 bits of information per second. That sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t because only a little can get through. Unfortunately, when it’s filled up with birds, fans, wet coats, and shadows, what the teacher wants you to pay attention to gets squeezed out. What’s more, the brain selects what comes in based on survival value. Say a fox emerges from his den and looks around. He knows the trees and grasses around him but the hawk overhead and the mouse nearby are new. Which will he focus on? Not the food, but the threat. He will wait until the hawk has passed before going for his breakfast. Now imagine this is a child and he can’t tell which is which. This will increase his anxiety so even less input comes in, causing decision-making to become reactive. The end result is that your child just wants to get out of there. Not a good state for learning, is it? Students always pay attention, but not always to what the teacher or parent wants them to select. Here are a few tips to help the desired input to come in: TIP: Limit distractions. Keep distractions and variables around your child to a minimum while he’s studying . Ask the teacher if he can use headphones or an iPod during test time. Perhaps his desk can face a blank wall, or he might be allowed to wear a hat or hoodie in class. Kids with ADHD should stay away from windows and doors and things to watch if possible. All of these can be done at home as well as at school コピー時計. TIP: Use novelty to engage curiosity. If getting your child to pay attention is a challenge during homework time, you can do something different -- put on a hat, walk backwards towards your child, or set them up on a beanbag or on the trampoline outside, ask them to sing the alphabet at random or use other ‘fun surprises’ to refocus. Don’t do it every day or you will wear yourself out but you could have Monday Madness for instance so your child knows that something different will happen that day. Hopefully, she or he will start using some of the techniques themselves. TIP: Plan transitions in advance. For kids who get upset by transitions or new or unexpected activities, partner with the child and her teacher to plan in advance or to have them do it with the teacher. Don’t surprise them with changes if possible. Fight, Flight—or Freeze? Now you know that Daniel can’t filter out the input that he doesn’t need, you can see that all that input can easily swirl around in his brain and then just as easily, swirl right back out. The ability to allow the info needed to enter the brain is the first step to learning. When the input is too much, the higher functioning parts of the brain lose control, anxiety takes over and the reacting is Flight, Fight—or Freeze. In a child this usually looks like acting out or zoning out. The brain is saying, “This is too hard, and the chance for success is too low, so I’ll just stop trying.” You can see this is a key place for “behaviors” to occur. Here are some ways to combat that reaction: TIP: Get the brain to engage curiosity. Connect the lesson to something the child is interested in. Make a bet on what the outcome might be. The brain loves to be right—it feels great to set things up to have the student care about the outcome. Parents can do this by getting a syllabus from the teacher and getting related books and movies, checking out YouTube videos, or going to museums or locations that support the study unit. You can also make a bet with your child (it sounds odd but it really works) about what they will learn or what grade they will get. Pay out so the brain will experience pleasure. TIP: Create achievable challenges with frequent, positive feedback. Elements include having a consistent process in place that provides a safe learning environment and rewards for good work. All adults need to have similar expectations so there is a predictable understanding of expectations. TIP: Simplify instructions. Simplify instructions by breaking down assignments or chores into manageable steps for homework or classroom work. Use multiple ways to share the information including outlines, lists, and graphic organizers. Parents have reported success with using music and dancing or playing catch while memorizing multiplication tables or state capitols. It engages the brain’s pleasure center—and the movement and songs/chants use a different part of the brain. You can also teach your child how to access information by quietly tapping their foot to retrieve it. Real Strategies That Can Help Your Child Be More Successful School is hard for students like Daniel. They have to be explicitly taught how to self-regulate, filter sensory input, hold learning in long-term memory—and all the while made to feel safe, engaged, and hopeful. It’s a tall order. An often overlooked strategy that can increase success is working with the child themselves. Most kids with ADHD are sensitive, self-aware and very creative thinkers. Ask the child what they need to make school work better. It may not be what adults would suggest, so be open and willing to problem-solve together. Here are some quick tips: TIP: Start with one small thing with a high probability for success. If academics cause your child a lot of stress, consider opportunities at school that are not during work time such as at recess or during music or art. Maybe they could be in charge of the soccer ball or jump ropes that go from the classroom out to recess and bring them back. Look for simple things that give them a sense of purpose and belonging. TIP: Engage the teacher in the process. Work with the teacher to ensure there are positive feedback systems in place. Before talking to your child’s teacher, consider the teacher’s perspective and approach her or him with compassion and appreciation, rather than frustration, blame or anger. Put yourself in the teacher’s shoes first. TIP: Supply your child’s teacher with a list. One successful strategy I have seen when teachers are feeling overwhelmed by a child’s behavioral needs is to give them a list of 10 or so strategies that work at home and allow them to choose which ones to try. That means you have to be okay with the list of ideas and not attached to which ones they choose. You can also ask for a meeting in 6-8 weeks after they have tried some things and then discuss what did and didn’t work and bring out the list again. Bite-sized pieces of information are usually easier to receive and use than a full book, especially to a busy teacher. TIP: Link pleasure with learning. Fill up the child’s brain with pleasurable, engaging, successful activities outside of school and try to link the two together whenever you can. Many kids with ADHD are drawn to computer and video games. They offer immediate feedback, a clear purpose, lots of visual engagement and an external way to regulate. With your child, look for cool educationally based games and then offer your own feedback (not praise) about how their performance in the game is similar to their school work. Choosing games with your child will increase their investment to actually use the game. There are many factors all wound together that impact a child’s school experience. By understanding them, you can begin to influence them and work with the school staff to make school work for your child. When a child is struggling at school, it hurts. When it’s a child with ADHD, the pain can create lifelong wounds. There are many Daniels in our schools and communities, and it’s up to us to change the things we can do to make it work better. We can change our understanding, our expectations, our habits and our beliefs. Kids with ADHD are not lazy, willful or stupid. They are simply people who happen to think differently and learn uniquely. By changing our classrooms and living rooms to make it easier for them to show us their brilliance, we are creating a welcoming place for our kids with ADHD. Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by the Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. For more information, visit www.empoweringparents.com Anna Stewart is a family advocate, writer, speaker, facilitator and single mother of 3 unique kids. She is passionate about helping families learn to advocate WITH their children and teens and supporting those with AD/HD. Anna is the author of School Support for Students with AD/HD. Visit her website and Facebook page here. |
From the November 2012 issue of Empowering Parents (http://www.empoweringparents.com) a free online magazine for parents. |
ARTICLE PERFECT PARENTS DON’T EXIST: FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THESE 6 PARENTING MISTAKES by Sara Bean, M.Ed. Guilt and parenthood just seem to go together. Maybe you lost control and screamed at your child today, or perhaps you’re struggling to give your kids enough—or you might be worrying that you’re doing too much. Whatever the cause, most parents experience guilt regularly. I’ve talked with so many people who were beating themselves up over something they’d done, sure they’d "failed as a parent." But as James Lehman said, “It’s not about blame or fault; it’s about taking responsibility.” This takes the blame out of the situation and helps parents to focus on the next step. Here are six parenting moves to forgive yourself for—that means putting aside the blame, forgiving yourself for your mistakes or perceived shortcomings, and moving forward with a fresh perspective. "It's not about fault; it's about responsibility." 1. Losing it and yelling at your kids out of anger or frustration. Unless you’re straight out of some squeaky clean 50s TV family, you’re bound to have negative feelings toward your children at times. It’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, or disappointed when your children don’t behave the way you expect. It’s certainly not easy (or maybe even possible!) to stay calm all the time. If you're like most parents, you probably raise your voice, yell, or even scream at your kids now and then. And let's face it, for their part, kids are great at pushing your buttons. Your child studies you for a living and knows just what will push you over the edge. It's normal to feel guilty after "losing it," but there is a silver lining here: you now have an opportunity to model responsibility and problem solving for your child. For example, you can approach your child and demonstrate a sincere apology (taking responsibility). You can also tell her how you will solve the problem more effectively next time (problem solving), by saying something like, “Next time that I get that frustrated, I will walk away and take a break to cool off.” 2. Being inconsistent with discipline. Part of a parent's job to set limits on their kids. It’s also normal to have difficulty being consistent with those limits. Maybe you're tired, feeling overwhelmed and frayed, or just not sure how to handle your kid's behavior. Perhaps you have a child who "pushes back," and gets really mad when you do set limits—and this makes being consistent even harder. If this is the case with you, remember this: if your child doesn't get upset with you at all, ever, then you probably aren’t doing your job very well! When you're setting healthy limits and boundaries for your child, there will be times where he will feel sad or angry with you. It’s your role to set limits and your child does not have to be happy with them. To start being more consistent, you’ll need to assess the situation: what areas are you inconsistent in? What causes you to falter with consequences or follow-through? Is it that you're forgetting what you said you would do, or that you are too exhausted hold your child accountable and stick to the limits? Identify your personal obstacles, and then make a plan to tackle them one by one. A note for parents who are worried they're too permissive: Maybe you feel that you don’t set enough limits or that you give your child too much free reign, and her behavior is starting to cross the line. It’s never too late to start defining those boundaries. Choose one area to focus on first (let's say it's backtalk) and slowly start introducing more limits into your home life. Decide in advance how you will hold your child accountable if they don’t respect the boundaries. Remember that at first, your child may up the ante a bit and try to push back, but stand firm and things will settle down. It’s not easy, but it’s never too late to start setting more limits or being more consistent. 3. Blaming yourself for your child's behavior. When times get hard, it can be so easy to blame yourself and feel pity for your child. This can happen when there's a death in the family or in divorce situations. It’s easy to let go of some of your standards and limits because you feel that your child is going through such a tough time and he needs a break right now. Or maybe your child’s co-parent has gone AWOL and you feel like you have to make up for their absence in some way. Whatever your situation is, remember that this is part of life. As difficult as it is, bad things happen to everyone. Of course you want to be empathetic and listen to your child (and get him or her outside help or counseling if they need it) but it doesn't mean that you should allow them to behave inappropriately. It's a tough lesson for kids, but nobody has that picture perfect life and no child grows up in a bubble that protects them from struggles and negative emotions. As parents, as much as we'd like to, we just can't foresee and prevent conflict, tragedy, or loss. Trying to “make up for” life’s struggles by being overly permissive or by having deep pockets and doing too much for your child is a mistake. When times get tough, children really just need someone to listen and to take responsibility and continue to guide them along in a regular routine with healthy and appropriate structure. Children should still have rules and consequences, as well as chores and responsibilities. Do your best to strike a balance and also provide your child with open arms and ears to love and guide them through it. You can’t control other people or the world around you, but you can control yourself and how you parent your child. It’s always best to focus on what you can control and remind yourself that you're doing your best, and you are enough. 4. Doing too much for your child. Doing too much for your child, or "over-functioning," is another role that's easy to fall into for parents, especially when they are feeling guilty. Every day parents all over the world tell their child to do their chores, for example. They tell them once, and then three times, and then six, and then finally it’s just easier to give up and do it yourself. Or perhaps your child is struggling with a school project and crying and carrying on about how it’s too hard. It's very important not to step in and rescue your child from challenges. Whatever those challenges are, doing too much to help your child through them is only going to give your child the message that you don’t see him as capable, or smart enough, or able to do it on his own. The next time you think of doing something for your child that he can do on his own, and really should do on his own, think about how you can guide him through rather than depriving him of the opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson. 5. Giving ineffective consequences and threats. “You’re grounded for life!” “You’re never going to ____________ again!” “If you don’t stop it right now, I’m packing up all of your toys and throwing them in the trash!” Sometimes when parents get overly frustrated, they reach too far in an attempt to find a solution that will get their child to immediately change their behavior. Most parents have done this at one time or another, which is why "You're grounded for life!" is such a classic (and humorous) catchphrase for parenthood. First, forgive yourself. No parent is perfect, and we all say things that we don't mean when we're upset or angry. There are a few issues with this type of parental response that you should know about. When you threaten or give consequences in the heat of the moment, the things you say you’re going to do are often things you can’t realistically enforce. What also happens is that you use words that aren’t effective in teaching your child the skills he needs to change his behavior. It also teaches your child that he can use threats in the future to get his way. Giving consequences that you can't (or don't want to) follow through on sends the message that you don’t mean what you say; your words will start to be meaningless to your child. Your best bet? Take a deep breath, and stop giving consequences in the heat of the moment. Walk away and cool off, and then later on you can hold your child accountable with consequences that are well-thought out, logical, and meaningful. 6. Feeling like you never have enough to give. Many parents feel that they aren’t able to spend as much quality time as they would like with their children. Part of this is the world we live in; we work hard to support our families, and modern life is fast-paced and frantic. Remember that you are only one person. There is only so much you can do in a day. Keep your to-do list and expectations realistic. Second, schedule some quality time with your child each day, whether it’s playing a board game after dinner, helping with homework, cooking with them, or going for a walk. You might also try to establish some regular weekly family time, if you can, where you all take turns choosing a family activity. The phones go off, laptops are put away, and you focus on just having fun together. On top of never having enough time, does anyone ever really have enough money? For most of us, there are always bills to be paid and expenses that come up unexpectedly. Life costs money and it seems like parents are constantly in competition with others to give their children the most and the best. The best house, the best phone, the best clothes, the most toys, and so on. Often, your child’s best friend will have something super cool that you can’t afford, and your child will feel jealous and left out. You might feel guilty that you can’t buy your child the things all his friends seem to have. One way to think about it is to realize that how you deal with your feelings about this is a choice. You can choose to dwell on it and feel badly, or you can decide to shift your focus. Ask yourself, "what’s most important here? What do I want my child to learn in life?" If you ask me, it’s more important that you are teaching your child strong values: hard work, saving money, careful spending, gratitude for what you have, giving to others who are less fortunate. Considering all these things, is it really that important for your child to upgrade to the new iPhone? Instead of wracking your brain to figure out how you can buy that fancy item for your child, why not help your child think of some ways to earn and save money to buy it himself? Perhaps if he earns a certain part on his own, you can reward his hard work by matching a portion of his earnings. The point is to try taking the focus off of the material things and putting some back on values. Be the kind of parent you want to be, not the kind of parent you think others expect you to be. The bottom line here is that perfect kids and perfect parents do not exist. Parenting is a learn-as-you-go thing. James and Janet Lehman say to "expect setbacks with progress." We all make mistakes or do some things that we regret, or that are ineffective for our kids. That’s okay. The great thing is that tomorrow is a new day—and you can forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and move on. Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by the Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. For more information, visit www.empoweringparents.com Sara Bean, M.Ed. holds a Masters Degree in School Counseling from Florida Atlantic University. She has worked with children and families in home, school, and foster care settings for over 10 years and is currently working as a Licensed School Counselor at an elementary school in Ohio. Sara is a proud Aunt of three, and served on Legacy Publishing Company’s Parental Support team from 2009-2012. |
From the November 2013 issue of Empowering Parents (http://www.empoweringparents.com) a free online magazine for parents. |
ARTICLE EFFECTIVE CONSEQUENCES FOR ADHD KIDS by Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist Imagine this scene: Your 7–year–old won’t stop teasing his little sister. You give him a 10 minute time out, but he refuses to comply and has a total meltdown. Or suppose you tell your 13–year–old to do her homework and stop texting her friend or else she will lose TV privileges for the week. She becomes upset and breaks your favorite framed picture. If you're the parent of a child with ADHD, this might sound all too familiar. To put it simply, parenting a child who has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder isn’t always easy. Kids with ADHD need special attention because they are special—they are wired differently than their peers. Brain scans show that the brains of ADHD kids look much different when performing certain functions than those of their neurotypical peers. In fact, studies have shown that the thickness of the cortex of their brains is growing at a pace that is three years behind their peers. What does this mean for kids with ADHD? They are thinking and behaving at the same level as children three years their junior do—yet they are expected to respond to situations in an age–appropriate fashion. Kids with ADHD are often scolded and told: “act your age”—but that’s often not possible for them to do. The ADHD/Anxiety Connection Many children with ADHD also suffer from extreme anxiety symptoms. When an individual experiences severe anxiety, they will have one of three reactions: they will freeze and be unable to take action; they will attempt to avoid the situation by withdrawing or leaving the scene; or they will act out of rage to protect themselves. Children with ADHD also have a low tolerance for frustration. When confronted with a difficult task or a conflict they may quickly become emotionally and even physically upset. When a parent is simply providing appropriate guidance and/or limits for their child, they are not expecting a reaction based on fear or rage. They might naturally view this as an act of defiance and respond to the incident with an additional negative consequence, but that will most likely escalate the situation. Most well–meaning parents approach this behavior with the philosophy of “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” They continue with the same approach, only “kicking it up a notch or two.” Or, they go from one approach to another, all the while saying, “No matter what I do, nothing works.” I would like to give you some simple parenting tips that would make it a breeze to get things going in the right direction, but this is not a simple problem—which means there is no “simple” solution. There are things you can do that will be much more effective, though for your child with ADHD. 5 Tips for Giving Effective Consequences to ADHD Kids: Step–by–Step The first step is to identify the underlying problem that is causing your child to over–react to minor incidents. This may require professional consultation and assessment by an appropriately trained mental health professional. For children with severe ADHD symptoms, medication may be needed. For others, therapy or a special education program to address the underlying impairment may be in order. Here are five tips for parenting that can help:
Finally, parenting a special needs child requires patience and endurance. Be sure you have support from those around you. Find time to take a break for yourself. Take a step back and look for positive changes and remind yourself that this task is always going to be “a work in progress.” Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by the Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. For more information, visit www.empoweringparents.com Dr Robert Myers is a child psychologist with more than 25 years of experience working with children and adolescents with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and learning disabilities and is the creator of the Total Focus Program www.trytotalfocus.com. Dr Myers is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behavior at UC Irvine School of Medicine. "Dr Bob" has provided practical information for parents as a radio talk show host and as editor of Child Development Institute's website, 4parenting.com which reaches 3 million parents each year. Dr. Myers earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California. |
From the May 2013 issue of Empowering Parents (http://www.empoweringparents.com) a free online magazine for parents. |